Is it a bad thing to have sex before marriage?
Psychologist’s and most people in our 21st Century culture have redefined Marriage and the meaning of sex. And so often you will hear people say ‘Why don’t we allow our natural feelings for sex loose before marriage if it is a natural desire? Let’s be free to love.’. Most people have asked the question why should sex be saved for marriage;. As Christians we must answer the reason why. And the reason why we need to save sex before marriage is because Sex is natural only within the context of marriage.
Marriage shows that sex is something precious and valuable; otherwise, if you just throw sex to anyone, everywhere, randomly outside of the context of marriage like it means nothing to you; then your not honoring sex and the person that you desire to do it with. God designed it, therefore it is a sacred and precious gift by God, for joy and sexual intimacy and closeness between one man and one women. Committed to each other for life, becoming one flesh, and giving life. Producing a baby. One of the purposes of Marriage is procreation, it is written “Did he (God) not make them one with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring“(Malachi 2:15). It is also a picture of Christ’s intimate relationship with His church, who is His bride (Ephesians 5:22-33), becoming one body. Sex in the context of marriage says ‘ for now on i commit myself and i give my all to you until the day i die’. That is why it is best to naturally allow sex to remain after you are married to the person you will live for the rest of your life on the earth. It honors the person, and both of you also honor God. Marriage is not a contract, but a covenant between one man and one women. Putting a bird in the sea and a fish in the cage is unnatural; the same goes for sex before marriage. Sex is kept naturally in the context of marriage.
Having sex outside of marriage can be disastrous.
If you have sex before your married; then what your really showing and saying to that person that you are have sex with before marriage, is this ‘ you are not precious enough for me to wait to have the approval of your Father, and God, so that i can marry you and make love with you. No i don’t want to wait, i want it right now.’ You see sex in marriage is a magical thing, it is something worth waiting for. Sex outside of marriage however, has nothing to do with committing yourself to someone, but rather it is receiving something in order to fill and please your lustful desires. Sex in marriage, you give. Having sex outside of marriage, you take for your own pleasure. You see the difference? One is selfish the other is not.
Here is another problem. If you have sex with someone who is not married to you, then the more sex you have with that person, the more addictive it becomes;. And the more addictive it becomes, the more un-pleasurable it becomes. You don’t enjoy the one your fall in love with couple of months ago;. So for you, sex becomes this thing you think and do, all the time; but it is not really special or pleasing to you. And so what we usually tend to do is to : break up with that person and seek for another one to satisfy your desires. You go to the next person, you take and receive; then the next, you take and receive, and it goes on and on.
You begin to see sex as an practice of two peaces of flesh, stuck together, taking things from one another, in the name of selfishness, without even having a deep loving, sacrificial commitment to one another. It’s just playing married, but it’s a fake.
And so, saving sex for marriage is a sacrificial love, for denying your own selfish desires, for the sake of remaining pure and honorable until marriage. We need wisdom. Ladies, if a man says that he loves God; but tries to lead you to have sex with him before marriage, my advice would be, to run as fast as you can away from him. A women is not to be treated as if she is your pet or your play toy. Men, if a lady does the same; run away from her. God warns you (Proverbs 7:21-22) not to be deceived by her “seductive speech” or her “smooth talk”. If you are not guarding your heart, she will persuade you; compel you; to follow her path of destruction. To which she will lead you to the slaughter, like an ox.
People in our contemporary culture say that watching porn or having sex outside of marriage is no big of a deal at all;. ‘No one is hurt’ they say. Yet Jesus warned us “do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell“(Matthew 10:28). In (Matthew 5:27-30) Jesus warns those who commit adultery, that if they have had or desire to have sex outside of marriage, Jesus Christ says in verse 30 “If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”
This is why it is important for non Christians and for those who call themselves Christians also; that sexual sin outside of marriage is very serious, because it could send you to Hell forever.
Sex is explicit and exclusive, it’s not a free-for-all thing. It’s a precious thing, it is a gift by God for the man to enjoy the love of his wife.
You see God designed it for marriage not because he wants you to be missarable;. But rather, he is protecting you, providing for you boundaries, so that you wont fall into the real pit of despair that leads to death. For the “wages of sin is death“(Romans 6:23). Is that not loving? God has provided mercy to warn us from falling to the snare of the devil my friends. Sex is like a fire room where the fire is placed in a safe place, and it warms the room for everyone. For if you don’t have it in that safe place; the whole place will be burned. So let’s not play with fire.
Is there any hope for fixing this problem?
Well even though most have already done sex with a women who is not married; feel convicted from what they have done, that sin alone, will not send you to Hell. Rather it is your unbelief that will condemn you to Hell after you die. People are not bad because they do bad, they do bad because they themselves are bad. It is not your actions that define you as evil; but it is by nature that we are evil and so people only know to do and to think evil. And so what a sinner needs, is a natural change in his heart. So the sinner cant fix the problem. His mind must be changed completely and this can only be done through regeneration (Ezekiel 36:25-27), which only God can do.
Paul says in the same verse, after saying that the wages of sin is death, He says “but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord“. You may have never believed that Jesus Christ is God, Lord and Savior;. But it is never too late to ask for God’s forgiveness and repent from your unbelief and start to believe in the person and work of Jesus Christ for your sins. Salvation is through Him only and no other way (John 14:6). And He will in no way reject you, if you come to him by faith alone.